If I Stay
by Fake Nails Real Heart
Summary: "How do we forgive ourselves for all of the things we did not become?" [Azula/Ty Lee oneshot]


**AN: Shamelessly, shamelessly inspired by my OG OTP Han Solo and Leia Organa.**

* * *

**IF I STAY**

* * *

People are not snow. People are not rain. People are not autumn leaves. People are not beautiful when they fall.

Azula certainly was not.

And today at breakfast, the day before Ty Lee would submit her resignation from her temporary job in the royal guard, Mai brought that up for the first time in three months.

"You always manage to date the crazy ones," said Mai and Ty Lee bristled with anger, but kept that to herself. "Is that why none of your relationships last?"

"Yeah. I meet a ton of guys and girls. I'm hot. And they're pretty hot sometimes too."

"Is that why you're never in a relationship for more than a week? You find somebody hotter or whatever?" It would not surprise Mai.

"No… I… they…" Ty Lee squirmed. "They all just have the same problem."

"Yeah?"

"They're not Azula."

Mai fell silent.

* * *

An hour later, Ty Lee smiled at Zuko and hugged him when she gave him the signed and stamped resignation paperwork.

"You're sure?" asked Zuko as the embrace broke. "I hate to lose you."

"I've loved working for security and stuff here. It's a great job! But my mom is better now and that means it's time for me to leave the Fire Nation and go back to my sworn duty as a Kyoshi Warrior. I don't want to abandon my post. They were really nice letting me stay here while my mom was sick."

"Of course. I completely understand, but I hope you visit sometime."

"I do too. I have to go tie up some loose ends."

"You're a fantastic soldier, Ty Lee. You have a good heart and you've made a lot of achievements with improving my guard. Thank you."

"Please don't act like it's goodbye! It's still three days until my ship gets here and I promise I'll see you as soon as I can."

As Ty Lee walked away, she made it a few steps down the corridor before Azula cut her off.

Her eyes widened for a moment as she saw the princess, the secret love of her life, standing with a fierce glare and her arms crossed.

"Ty Lee, you cannot simply leave like this!"

"Why, Princess?"

"Because you're the perfect choice for the guard. You could rise to a very powerful position here. Can those peasants offer that?"

"Azula…"

"We need you!"

"Need me?"

"Yes. You are too good at your job to let you go."

"Do you need me?"

"My Nation does. You have been a great help to us in our operations to restore peace in the rural Fire Nation and the Far West. You have prevented two assassination attempts on my brother. You are a vital member of our guard."

"But do you need me?"

"I have no idea what you mean by that."

"Forgive me for being all bold, but, Princess, you really can't deny how things have been between us since I came here two months ago. I think we're… I think we're starting to become more than friends."

"I think you are imagining things."

"Am I?"

"I do not love you. I will never love you. What you did to me destroyed me and I still find it unforgivable. Whatever flirtation you've made up in your mind is solely about your personal feelings for me, not my nonexistent ones for you. I ask you to stay simply because I am not petty enough to allow my grudges to damage my country."

Ty Lee did not know how to respond.

And so Azula stormed off in a flurry of sparks and swinging bangs.

* * *

Azula scowled at her brother. How dare he bring this up over a simple strategic tea session. He needed the nerve knocked out of him.

"I don't want to discuss Ty Lee. She will be gone soon anyway."

"Her love for you has never faded."

"Maybe she should come say that herself."

"And what would you say?"

"That she should live with her regrets and that I enjoy the pain it brings her."

"Did you ever love her?"

"I thought I did."

"If you thought you did, you did. The only thing love is, is thoughts."

"You need to spend less time with Uncle. You're starting to sound like him and it's going to make me vomit in your tea."

"Look, she knows who you are. She knows all you've done. She loves you anyway. Most people don't come across that ever. It's a once in a lifetime thing."

Azula sneered as she bitterly glared at her brother. But he did not falter under her terrifying gaze. And she hated him for it.

"Drop it," ordered Azula, but of course her brother refused to listen and obey.

"Can I make a suggestion that you won't like?" asked Zuko.

"Do you make any other kind?"

"Just tell her how you feel."

"And how do you think you know how I feel?"

"Because I know you."

"You don't know me! No one does!"

"She does. And I think that's why you love her."

"Love is for pathetic people without any higher aspirations. This meeting has gone completely out of focus and I suggest we reschedule."

Zuko did not stop her from leaving.

Secretly, she almost wished he would.

* * *

Princess Azula was living electricity, a lightning bolt in human form. How could Ty Lee not be intoxicated by her?

And yet Mai still asked in the shade cast by the mid afternoon sun, "How do you love her anyway? Why do you love her? She's the most unlovable person I know."

"True love is loving the unlovable," said Ty Lee. "And I'll love her until she sees she isn't unlovable anymore. Until she can stop making herself out to be that way."

"You can't love someone's mental illness away."

"No, you can't. But you can love them on good days and love them on bad days and nothing days and everything days and that's what's important."

Mai fell silent.

She did not quite know how to respond to Ty Lee saying something so eloquent and sincere.

And so she stayed silent until Ty Lee left the gardens.

* * *

Azula and Ty Lee looked at each other like they were almost lovers, like they should have kissed and laughed and made love, but ended up strangers instead. That look never stopped being painful, no matter how many years passed since the Boiling Rock.

Azula could not help but notice that as she opened her bedroom door and saw Ty Lee standing there.

"What do you want?" demanded Azula.

"I just wanted to talk. Is that… is that okay?"

Azula let out a dramatic sigh before taking her sweet time stepping aside and allowing Ty Lee in before slamming the door shut behind her.

"Then talk," said Azula, turning to her traitorous former friend.

"I love you. And I think you love me."

"Have I ever said that?"

"No."

"Then you're just guessing. And I can't call it an educated guess."

"I think once upon a time, you did. And I loved you. And maybe things would have been different then."

"I did love you once. I don't anymore," lied Azula.

"I know nothing turned out how we thought it would…" whispered Ty Lee.

Azula fell silent for a long while before asking, "How do we forgive ourselves for all of the things we did not become?"

Ty Lee blinked, uncertain how to reply to such a sudden and unexpected question. Azula sounded… defeated, and Ty Lee could not remember ever before hearing that tone in her crush's voice.

"I don't know," said Ty Lee.

"Neither do I."

"Then I guess… I guess all we can do is take what we can get with who we are now."

Their gaze met for a flicker of a moment before Azula stepped forward and laid claim to Ty Lee's lips. Ty Lee's eyes flashed in surprise for a moment before she leaned in and pressed her lips fiercely and passionately against Azula's.

It did not take long for them to begin fumbling with each other's clothes and weaving their way toward the bed.

Azula tore off Ty Lee's shirt as they fell backwards, Ty Lee straddling her and gasping for breath.

Ty Lee leaned down and kissed her and Azula dug her sharp fingernails into Ty Lee's shoulders.

And that night, yes, they took what they could get with who they were now.

* * *

In the morning, Ty Lee woke naked and alone in Azula's bed. If it weren't for the way her body felt, she would have thought last night was a dream. She had more than one not unlike that in the years past.

She rose from bed and got dressed, humming a soft song to herself. As she walked into the bathroom, she saw Azula there, fully dressed, impeccably groomed, clinging to the golden sink and staring into the mirror.

"Good morning," said Ty Lee, unsure what else to do. She forced a smile.

"You need to give up," said Azula. "Your ship leaves this afternoon. I have given up on trying to let you see that staying here is for the good of the Fire Nation and you need to give up on your imaginary fantasy in which I love you."

"Azula…" Ty Lee trailed off.

"You are going to give up on me. You are going to leave. You are going to never come back, because I am done. Don't pretend I care about you, or us, or if we have a future. And if you cared, you would stay."

"If you ask me to stay, and you mean it, and you don't lie about why…" Ty Lee hesitated. "If you ask me to stay, I will stay."

"Give it up. Go home." Azula stepped away from the mirror and started to leave. "I am sick of having you here anyway."

"Even after last night?" asked Ty Lee.

"Especially after last night. I hope you liked it, because it is the last night like that you are ever going to get from me."

Ty Lee gave up on being submissive or demure or anything else she knew Azula liked. She instead at last said the words that ached in her heart, "I love you. I love you and I'm not giving up this easily. Not after everything."

Azula whipped around so quickly that her hair snapped in the breeze. "You betrayed me. You abandoned me after opening myself to you. I never wanted to see you again and I still do not."

Ty Lee takes a slow breath. "Not a day goes by when I don't think about you. When I don't miss you."

"Then perhaps you should have made a different decision then!"

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe we don't need to forgive ourselves for what we didn't become because we became something better than that. And we're together again. The Universe pushed us together again for a reason and I'm not giving up. You can make me do anything but give up on you."

"If you love me so much then why are you leaving tomorrow?"

"If you don't love me at all, why do you want me to stay? And don't just say it's about business. I may be stupid but I know it's not about business. It's about your feelings for me!"

"I don't know where you get your delusions. Or your gall to dare speak to a princess in that way."

"I'm not afraid of you anymore. But I love you still, and I will until the day I die."

"I have no use for the love of someone who does not fear me and dares argue with me for days. Maybe you should leave. Maybe I don't want you to stay."

"Ask me. Ask me and I'll stay."

"Stay," whispered Azula. "Stay with me."

"Always," softly replied Ty Lee.

"I love you," breathed Azula.

"I know."


End file.
